Saturday, October 13, 2012

Sweet Jackson

I type these words with a broken heart.

My sweet little Jackson went to Heaven on Wednesday, October 10th around 4:25 pm.

We made it home from our vacation around 3pm and when I saw Jackson and spoke to him he wagged his tail; something I will never forget. We spent the last hour and a half of his life telling him how much we loved him, what a good boy he was and reliving all the wonderful memories we had of him. I told him I was gonna miss him so much and not a day will go by that I won't think of him. I hugged him, layed with him, pet him, kissed him and cried.
The Vet arrived at 4pm. He did a thorough exam and it was determined Jackson no longer had feeling in one of his legs, he had a high fever and he was suffering. The Vet believes his cancer had spread internally causing the issue with his legs (that it wasn't arthritis) and that it had spread to his lymph nodes causing his shallow breathing. We had no other option than to have our sweet boy put to rest so there would be no more suffering and no more pain.
I wish I could forget how horrible Jackson looked, he no longer looked like my happy little boy. He took a turn for the worse Tuesday night when my Mom arrived home from work to find him laying on the tile in the kitchen and she couldn't get him to take his medicine, eat or even get up. His little legs would no longer work and he was extremely frustrated. He had to potty so bad and couldn't get up to go and ended up going on the tile. Then he was so worked up he started vomiting. My Mom stayed up with him that entire night trying to comfort him but he simple could not rest. It just breaks my heart that things had to end this way. I always wondered how I would know when it was time to put him to sleep. There was no question it was his time to go when I saw him Wednesday afternoon.
My heart is completely broken. Jackson has been a part of our family for 10 1/2 years. He was NEVER just our dog. He was always treated like one of the kids, spoiled just the same. It kills me to not have him here. The hardest part is being downstairs and not seeing his sweet little face. He was always right where we were. Every night when the girls were in bed he'd come put his head in my lap and look at me with his big brown eyes just begging for a treat. Then he'd lay by my chair and I'd pet him as I worked on my laptop. Now there is an empty feeling in the house and in my heart.
I can't wait for the day where I can look back and just smile at all the wonderful memories we have of him. Right now all I wanna do is cry.
I just need to know he is okay. That he is being taken care of and that he's happy. I pray he was made perfect again and doesn't have to worry about cancer or problems with his legs. I picture him running around playing ball and eating lots of treats. I can't wait to see him again.
I love you sweet boy. I miss you more than words can say. I will NEVER forget your sweet face and your big brown eyes.


Mary said...

Oh Shelly, I am so very sorry. I know I have never commented before, but I have been reading for a very long time. I have read every one of your posts about Jackson. I was praying this post wouldn't come for a very long time. I actually shouted "NO!" when I read of Sweet Jackson's passing. I am just so sorry. My heart is breaking with you. May God carry you and your beautiful family through these very difficult days.