Wednesday, October 17, 2012

1 week {Jackson}

I can't believe it's been 1 week since I kissed my sweet boy and told him I loved him. 7 full days without him. How did the time fly by that quick?

Thankfully we have been staying busy, very busy. The sadness and heartache are slowly being replaced with wonderful memories and happy thoughts but his absence is definitely felt here by all who have come by. And of course, there is still (and will always be) an emptiness in my heart.

The girls are doing surprisingly wonderful. They both saw him right before he was put to sleep. They both kissed him and said goodbye and told him they loved him. Yet neither has shed a tear. I am very surprised at Haylee's lack of sadness. She's old enough that I thought it would affect her but it really hasn't. She is very matter of fact about it. Like the day after she said something like "well now we don't have to find someone to watch Jackson next time we go on vacation. That's good." She has been talking to the family picture with him in it on the wall. I heard her say "hi Jackson, I miss you. I hope you're having fun with Papa Reggie. I love you Bubba." And then I had to walk away so I didn't lose it.
I ordered a canvas of our family picture and I can't wait to see it. I also ordered a picture of Jackson for our family picture wall. I am even more thankful now that I made a keepsake molding of Jackson's paw prints a few months back. I will have to post a picture once I finish Jackson's "remembrance shelf". Call me strange but it has really helped to talk to his picture and just tell him how much I'm thinking about him and that I love him.
I still find myself looking for Jackson when I come downstairs. He was always sprawled out on the tile right by the laundry room. I still look when I walk in from the garage too to make sure I don't trip over him.

Sometimes I swear I still hear sounds from him. Like his nails on the tile, him coming upstairs etc. I know it's just because I was use to him being around for so long and it's eerily quiet at night now.
One of the saddest things for me is hearing the doorbell ring and not hearing Jackson start barking. Just these little things leave me feeling so sad.

The first few days after Jackson left us I kept praying for comfort and I just needed to know Jackson was ok and that he was being taken care of. I needed to know he was made perfect again and no longer suffering or dealing with his leg issues. I really feel my prayers were answered when I came across the "Rainbow Bridge" poem on Pinterest. I can't wait for the day Jackson greets me and I get to hug him and kiss him again.
Josh has been so helpful this past week. He has been a wreck himself but has still done so much to help me out despite his pain and sadness. The first morning after Jackson was gone, he gathered him bed, babies, bones, collar, medicine etc and stored it away in the craft room till I can face all of that. He cleaned up the backyard and took out the dog door too. And best of all, he placed our "Jackson" fountain on the patio. I was so so happy to have another reminder of Jackson. The dog on the fountain looks just like Jackson so that is why we bought it years ago. I love those simple reminders of him!

Instead of being sad that my sweet boy has been gone a week already, I am gonna try to be happy because it's a week closer to being with him again someday.

Missing my sweet boy...